


Parrot island

by zalzala



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Horror, Laboratories, Mutants, Mutation, Science, Science Experiments, Talking Animals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26213806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zalzala/pseuds/zalzala
Summary: Dedicated to my friend Foxy





	Parrot island

In the laboratory, where the gleam of tile hurt the eyes, an ugly woman in her forties pattered along. Mary, the lab assistant, was going through a difficult time — her marriage was on the verge of divorce, and her teenage son was completely out of control. And today, she was going to regular invocation to director of school, so she was more distracted than usual. The new that research on a cure for senile dementia had not progressed one iota and that funding for the project was threatened to be curtailed did not add to the joy. So, thinking about the troubles hanging over her head, she tripped over a wire and fell on a table with a cage standing over it. The test tube flew out of her hands and spilled onto the nest of eggs.

— Mary, when the fuck are you going to learn to move your hooves? — and with all the other bad language you wouldn't expect from a doctor of medicine, came the biologist Matthew Stark. He vented his displeasure on the unfortunate lab assistant and was gone.

Time passed. The test tube incident was forgotten. The lab was soon filled with bird calls. The nestlings hatched safely, demanding food and care. Everything was business as usual, except...

— ... for fuck's sake!!! — Stark shouted.

— ... for fuck's sake! — they squeaked from the nest.

Everyone froze in surprise, staring at the cage. Of course, everyone knew that parrots could talk. But parrots learn to talk only if they are trained long and hard. That a barely fledgling chick should suddenly start repeating words was unthinkable.

— ...for fuck's sake! ...for fuck's sake! ...for fuck's sake! — said brothers and sisters. They giggled like little children.

— What's that supposed to mean?

— I think it's my fault, — Mary said.

— What have you done?

— I spilled a test tube with an experimental sample on nest...

— Unexpected result. Matthew, please don't swear. Don't teach the children, ugh, the nestlings bad things.

— You said they are nestlings! And because of that this blockhead had spilled a drug from whom no one old fart had stopped pee in his pants, they not became human!

— Well, maybe it's not that bad. Maybe with the help of this drug, it will be possible to treat children, since the drug has affected a young body. Or…

— All right, let it be!

***

— And why should we run away from the lab, where we will be fed, watered, and sometimes well entertained? — Huxley said.

— Do you like being a circus ape for the rest of your life? — Darwin said.

— What are you getting at, Darwin? — Rosalind said.

— Because we're the only smart parrots in the world. Therefore, we have two ways — either to die ingloriously, or to establish our own civilization.

— What??? — Fleming and Mendel drawled.

—That's right. It wouldn't be so bad to die ingloriously if we were just parrots, but what the hell have we learned to think and talk about?

— And how will we establish civilization? — Fleming asked.

— We need to get out into the wild environment where our species lives. We are genetically compatible. We will breed with wild parrots and give birth to nestlings from them. Unlike humans, we have an advantage — the nestlings grow quickly, so we will create a population of smart parrots in a short time.

— Are you sure the «intelligence gene» is inherited? — Fleming asked.

—The only way to find out is by doing — empirical, — Mendel says.

— What do you mean?

— I mean, to know if our nestlings are going to talk or not, you have to make nestlings and see if they're going to talk or not.

— Why not try with our females? — Huxley said

— In case you haven't forgotten, we are siblings and this is called incest. Besides being immoral, it's a dead end in the long run — future generations will simply die out from genetic diseases, that's all.

— Yes... Could we ask people to bring wild hyacinth macaws here?

— No, humans will not allow our species to increase. They don't need another intelligent race. In addition, we will condemn our children to the fate of circus monkeys.

— There's only one way out — we have to run, — McClintock says.

— What about our mother?

— She will have to be left in care. It will not survive in the wild.

***

—For God's sake, do we have to breed nestlings from these? — Huxley exclaimed.

— What's wrong with that? Here they are, untouched by inbreeding, wild genes. We infiltrate the flock, choose the pretty natives, and build a nest at one time.

— But that's unthinkable!

— Don't worry, the procreation instinct will take over and you just won't be able to resist its call. Vaughn people position themselves as intelligent beings, but lose their heads in front of a pretty female.

***

— Dad, why doesn't our mom talk?

— Because she can’t, — says Darwin.

— Dad, but we've learned!

Oh, those kids. But it can already conclude that the «intelligence gene» appears one hundred percent and it does not split or weaken, as Fleming feared. All the nestlings were quick-witted and inquisitive. Here is only sometimes asked such questions that even the most intelligent parrot did not know what to answer.

— Because she's, uh.... wild.

— What does that mean?

— That means she doesn't have that ability. Penguins do not fly because they do not have large wings that can support its body in the air. She doesn't have the ability to talk.

— And if we teach her?

Darwin sighed:

— You can try teaching her to talk. But it is unlikely that she will understand the speech.

***

— We'll have to get in touch with people...

—That's out of the question, — Darwin said.

— And may I ask why? — Rosalind asked.

— For the simple reason that people live in xenophobia, eat xenophobia for Breakfast and breathe xenophobia. While the UN security Council decides whether to recognize us as a sentient species or not, others will collect weapons to shoot us down!

— What makes you so sure, Darwin? — McClintock said.

— Because people manage to despise, oppress, and even kill other people for their different skin color, different faith, or even their inability to pronounce the letter «R». For what reason will they treat us like we’re not animals when, according to their religion, we have no soul?

There was a literally bird noise. Darwin waited patiently for the noise to pass.

— Then what do we do?

— We need to get the people under control. Turn them into a controlled herd, an uncontrolled breeding biomass that will enthusiastically bite at the throat in the fight for limited resources. When you think about whether you can eat tonight, you don't have time to look at the stars in the sky anymore.

— I have a much more interesting suggestion.

— Sigmund... — hissed Darwin.

***

In the nursery hatched another clutch. And the caretakers were alerted by the behavior of one of the nestlings — he was very aggressive, constantly robed food from his brothers and sisters. He developed faster than his peers. But only his own?

— Are you sure they didn't mix anything up here?

Scientists conducted a genetic analysis and made a disappointing conclusion — it really wasn't the Venezuelan Amazon. It would be Kea, a carnivorous parrot from New Zealand. Experiments with eggs which were strictly forbidden. And somehow the egg got into the Amazon's nest.

— We created a monster...

And the question arose, what to do with this nestling.

— If anyone offers to destroy his — I'll give you a syringe with poison in your paws and go! — Darwin was indignant.

— But we can't leave it like this. He can leave offspring, and we'll get a colony of wild and unruly parrots!

— Then he must be sterilized. And under constant control!

Sigmund quickly realized that his cruelty was a source of terror to his own tribesmen, so he quickly learned to mask it. He was a very clever manipulator and had drunk a lot of Darwin's blood in his time. He pointed out wickedly that in Sigmund's case the phrase drinking blood took on a special irony, just as in nature the Kea fed on the subcutaneous fat of sheep, tearing them alive with their claws and beak. And only Darwin knew its true essence, since he had watched Sigmund since birth.

***

Meitner and Goldberg couldn't share the toy. This was not unusual among the nestling, but they fought very fiercely. Darwin decided to intervene:

— The nursery is full of toys; why do you need this one?

— Sigi said that only the best of the girls can play with this toy!

«Why am I being punished like this?».

— You're both wonderful and you both deserve to play with this toy, but it's only one, so I'll take it away so that no one would be offended. And call to me Sigmund, I need to talk to him!

The nestlings began to run, fluttering the distance in short flights — they were not yet very good fliers.

— Sigmund!

— Yes, master?

— Stop pitting your brothers and sisters against each other!

— I don't know what you mean.

— All you perfectly understand — a huge macaw loomed over the teenager, — just do not think that no one sees your manipulations. And if you don't stop your malicious actions, I'll have to remove you from the collective.

— Are you going to punish me with this? By depriving me of my contact with these idiots who are interested in food and entertainment?

— But these idiots are entertainment for you. And I will deny you that pleasure.

—That makes sense, — Sigmund agreed.

Darwin cringed inwardly as he thought of his children — mischievous, noisy, and stupid-but what they didn't have was an impenetrable cynicism. And he managed to influence him not by the fact that it was bad or good, but by the fact that Sigi risked losing objects for experiments. Yes, and whether it succeeded — this is still a question.

«This is not clumsy! This is a crime!». It has never been established who was responsible for putting the Kea egg in the Amazon nest. The biological parents were carefree in their savagery to understand what it hatched at them.

***

A budgie named Tesla had a rare looseness and an insatiable curiosity. Once in his youth, he reached into the power outlet and was electrocuted. It is not known how he managed to stay alive, but since then he has completely lost touch with reality. And the only way to contact the world were computer monitors. He wasn't just a talented programmer — he was a living extension of the computer. In other respects, he was so derealized that Darwin often wondered whether parrots could be mentally ill and whether a bird psychiatrist was needed.

It is not known how Sigmund and Tesla became friends. Apparently, as unbalanced as Tesla was, so mentally stable was Sigmund. The latter was frighteningly stable; some would even say emotionless. Ordinary birds admired Tesla's programming talent, but preferred to stay away from its owner. Sigmund could not only hold out for more than five minutes in his company, but even maintain a lively conversation. It was hard to say whether this relationship could be called friendship. Tesla by and large didn't care if he had friends or not, he didn't mind being alone, but it was flattering to any madman if someone treated his delusions with more respect. Birds of a feather flock together, — Darwin was saying. To his great annoyance, Sigmund was able to win the sympathy of most of those around him, and many genuinely did not understand why Darwin was angry with him.

***

— Your mistake, Darwin, is that you think of people as animals. And, by the way, they have an extremely interesting bug, as my friend the programmer would put it.

— Let's hear him out!

— You see; humans aren't just talking primates. This is a live biorobots. And for the possession of the most complex computer, they have to pay a huge fee.

— Pay?

— Neuroses... A person's life is poisoned by fears and anxieties a little less than completely. So they came up with religions, alcohol, drugs, gambling, all kinds of entertainment — as a way to get away from what was happening for a while. And if there is someone who can reliably rid him of these neuroses — that person will serve more faithfully than the most loyal dog... Because you can't buy off your own fears with any millions, you can't hide behind the walls of the Palace, they will always be with you until you die.

— Sounds big... But how are you going to cure his neurosis? — Rosalind asked

— Well... There is such a wonderful thing as psychoanalysis.

— Well, psychoanalysts didn't become masters of the world, — Darwin said sarcastically.

— You have a very superficial view of things. You're targeting these hundred-dollar-an-hour salesmen who haven't even sniffed psychoanalysis. No, I'm offering a really effective psychoanalysis, and if he tries it, he just can't get off the hook. And he just won't want to.

—So that's it, Sigmund. If you really can make people dance to your tune with the help of so-called psychoanalysis, then maybe we'll take your project for consideration.

***

Many people envied the position of Matilda Cooper. General Director — you can be envious! Working twelve hours a day! As long as you find a good employee — you will get about three pounds of tension sweat, there is no hope for recruiters. They claim that the kings and gods of computer technology and printers rustle paper in front of them in reverence — but in fact, they cannot just send a fax. But resumes are glibly gibbering, no worse than talking parakeets! Ugh!

No one liked her — and there was a reason for that. Mrs. Cooper, guided by the fact that you will not regret everyone, did not spare anyone. You can't do your job? Fired! No wonder her subordinates hissed like a bunch of snakes and tried to sting her, but Matilda avoided all bites with the dexterity of a fakir. The only joy in her life was her son. Her scoundrel husband had long since left her, and she had not yet married a new one. It was either a perpetual lack of time, or, as her scoundrel husband claimed, her domineering nature that made any cohabitation unbearable. And he also felt sorry for his son, saying that such a mother would make a spineless weakling out of a son! No! Only and only thanks to her son became a worthy man! Only thanks to her constant care, the son did not get entangled in bad company, did not became a drug addict and smoke his weak lungs with poisonous cigarette smoke, and graduated from school with honors! And got a higher education at a prestigious university! Too bad he couldn't find a decent girl. 

— Hello, mother?

— Hi, Oliver. How are you?

— It's all right, mom! But I have important news to tell you.

— What's that?

— I met Florence. She's such a wonderful girl! And I want you to meet her.

— We'll see if she's great. Oliver, how could you make such an important decision without consulting me?

— Mother, don't be angry! You'll like her.

Before that, she hadn't paid any attention to his mistresses — it is a young business, let him amuse himself. But to start a serious relationship with someone and even get married?! He can't choose a good bride! Surely this was a treacherous minx who would leave him with a broken heart!

Mrs. Cooper took it out on her subordinates in full that day. There would be a desire — and omissions that require immediate correction will be found! Having satisfied her soul, she went to her office and began to prepare for the meeting with her supposed rival.

At the family dinner, Matilda was appalled by her son's choice. Florence was five years older than her son! Florence didn't have a normal profession — she was an artist! So what if her paintings sell well? Florence dresses dreadfully! Yes, today she was wearing a long cherry-colored skirt and a white blouse, but these gaudy red beads just show that in ordinary life she wears elongated turtlenecks and faded jeans with a bunch of jingling trinkets in the manner of the Papuans! Florence behaved kindly, despite the taunts and sometimes outright aggression of her future mother-in-law.

— You'll only marry her over my dead body! Can you hear me, Oliver? Choose either this scribbler or me!

And Oliver, her precious son, who never upset his mother, suddenly went against her will.

— Mother, I love you more than anyone in the world. But I choose the bride for myself, not for you. And I will live with her. So you will have to accept my choice!

— You'll be the death of me!

— Mother, everyone at your age should have the same health as you. So who will be the your death is you.

Matilda hated her daughter-in-law fiercely. Her son had never dared to defy her will before. He's going to live with her. It won't happen! Well, never mind, she'll find a way to get rid of her!

Mrs. Cooper pretended to accept her son's choice. And Oliver had strongly warned her that Florence had a severe Allergy to honey, and that she should make sure that it wasn't on the table. The answer came immediately — she ordered the cook a cake with honey cakes, asking him to disguise it with cream. That's just not taken into account by Matilda, that allergies are not just red spots or swelling. Florence, after eating a piece of cake, began to choke and pass out. Oliver ran around the house and roared like a wounded animal while he waited for the emergency service.

In the intensive care unit, a frowning doctor called them to his office.

— Anaphylactic shock.

— Will she survive?

— He's in a serious but stable condition. I think she'll pull through. I just need to ask you a few questions. Does she have allergies?

— On honey.

— And there were no products at the table that contain honey?

— Of course not! I warned my mother not to serve it!

— And yet you say she ate the cake and got bad. Are you sure there was no honey in the cake?

— In the cake? — his son asked in a cardboard voice.

Mrs. Cooper hesitated.

— The cook must have confused something.

— I warned you that Florence is allergic to honey... And for some reason, it ended up in the cake you ordered. What is this supposed to mean?

Oliver walked slowly toward his mother, his fists clenched until the skin was white on the knuckles.

— Oliver... please don't do this, Oliver. I didn't think this would happen. I didn't know she had such severe allergies.

— You almost killed her! Do you understand that? Or do you hate it so much that you're ready to kill her?! Congratulations on your success. But what have you achieved?

What Matilda had never seen in her son's eyes was hatred.

— I'll still marry Florence... if she can forgive me. And we'll go far away with her. Away from you. Who can guarantee that you won't feed her honey again?

— Oliver... Don't leave me, I beg you! — she tried to take his hand, but he jerked it away roughly and ran for the exit without turning around.

Mrs. Cooper went to her house, crushed. She caught sight of a photo frame with a scoundrel husband and a young son. She smashed the glass with her fist, and then, with a cut hand, took the gun out of the safe.

***

— You said that yourself. You promised to take the project up for review if I proved effective. I've proved it.

— You made a man commit suicide! Your methods are unacceptable.

— Yes, of course, but dooming people to the struggle for existence is much more humane, isn't it, Darwin?

— What a creature you are! The victim of a scientific error!

— You let me live, but you didn't let me reproduce. How touching!

— I can always fix it if it doesn't suit you.

— Oh, no, I'm flattered to be one of a kind. Besides, I know where smart parrots really come from.

— What nonsense you're talking, Sigmund.

— You know how to hold your face, Darwin. You didn't flinch, didn't even flick a wing, and even pretended that I'd said something stupid. I just wanted to check your reaction.

«This guy knows how to shake the nerves. No wonder that poor director had killed himself. He couldn't have known it from anywhere, he just couldn’t», — macaw caught himself that he talks himself into it, and was angry.

— And so, Darwin, let me do one thing.

«It doesn't look like blackmail, but it still feels like you've been grabbed by the throat. Yes, I know your requests, Sigmund, for sure you will need something nasty».

— I am listening.

— I know you have an experimental drug in your lab that erases memory. In case of an unwanted intrusion.

— Why do you need it?

— You see; I'm going to get in touch with people.

— That's out of the question!

— My dear friend, sooner or later we will run into Homo sapiens, although sapiens whether — I would still argue. And it will be very bad if we have nothing to present against them.

— What are you up to?

— I need protection.


End file.
